freyakitten

One of the blogs I read posted a discussion today on how one cannot have a 'perfect' marriage by societies standards due to said standards being incompatible with Life (and self-contradictory).

Which got me thinking that maybe I should define for myself what a 'good marriage' involves. If anyone wants me to clarify something so that discussion can occur, please ask - my personal definitions of words and phrases and what they actually mean to me are no doubt different to yours :D Oh, and this list is in no particular order of priority.

1) Respect for self and respect for all persons involved
2) Communication
3) Shared goals (whether these be large or small goals doesn't matter)
4) The capacity to allow for change - NOT wanting to freeze each other and/or the world in amber or ice
5) The willingness to work together to make the relationship in question better
6) Shared values (not shared beliefs, nor shared opinions, but shared values)
7) Not being clones of each other

I reserve the right to add to this list as things continue to percolate through my brain, but you'll note that love and sex are not on this list, nor will they ever be. IMO a 'successful' marriage does not need romantic love, nor does it need to have a physical component. One would hope that one has enough respect for oneself to acknowledge those needs and be able to communicate those needs and thus get them seen to however that may happen. But they are not, of themselves, a necessary component. Nice to have, yes. Necessary? No.

While getting my hair cut on Friday, my mother and my hairdresser, at one point, were discussing the necessity for people of faith to pray for rain (in the context of their own faith). I didn't come straight out and say it (I danced around the subject, posing questions without condemning their choices - I got some thoughtful responses), but my opinion on the subject is that praying only for rain is choosing to be a child who has a parent/god-figure to take care of everything. Far better to pray that we learn everything the lack of rain has to teach us, with as little pain as is necessary to get the point across.

IMO, until one learns the lessons drought has to teach us, it will keep catching us unawares and unprepared, and not taking responsibility for our actions and lack of action. And this is true no matter what one believes.