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Just got home from the eye specialist.
I have a padding thingy taped over my numb left eye. It feels wierd 'cos the left eye keeps drifting just open and making my sight come over with a veil of dark closedness, which looks remarkably like the beginnings of the snowed-tv vision I get before I faint, but everything is still in colour, not black and white.
The specialist guy called me into the room, asked me a couple of questions (lit. "Why are you here, what's wrong?" and "What drugs are you taking?"), put drops in my eye, did the vision acuity test, asked me if the lack of visual acuity in my left eye was normal (to which I did not respond with "That's why I wear glasses, dude!" - it's more than my glasses are prescribed for, but I was sorely tempted), then looked at my eye and eyelid with the eye doctor face harness and magnifying thingy. "Yes, it's a chalazion, I'm going to have to incise it" says the doctor and motions me into the back room. He swabs my eyelid with betadine, puts more drops in my eye, and puts in the fricking' needle for the anaesthetic. I have mentioned before that needles hurt. All needles. On a scale of 1 (what they're supposed to feel like) through 5 (arm) to 10 (roof of mouth) this was about a prolonged and twitchy four.
My arm is aching where my last needle was, though.
I get to hold padding on my eye really hard, which is freaky since I can feel the spreading numbness underneath, but apparently I didn't hold it hard enough for it all to spread properly, so the doctor, having poked FUCKING HARD on my EYEBALL to check, swabs again with betadine and pushes as hard as I need to push with the padding to show me how much, and goes out to talk to the next patient. While he is out I text Bastard and tell him what is happening, since I was expecting this to be just an appointment to see if I needed to have needles and scalpels and stuff, not the actual sharp things, and he needed to be at training in about half an hour at this point.
Eventually the doctor comes back in and pokes again. Evidently it's all good this time, because then he gets out a little screwclamp and tells me he's going to put it on my eyelid. I'm glad I read up on this all, because otherwise I would have freaked out worse at this point, as well as having my normal needle adrenaline arghs. So he takes the little clamp thing, flicks it around my eyelid skin and tightens it. I'm sure I'm not supposed to feel it through the anaesthetic, but it doesn't hurt and it's very far away so I'm OK. Then he turns the eyelid up, and let me tell you, unlike when I turn my own eyelid up, I can't see since either my eyeball is squooshed down or my lower lid is coming up to compensate, or my eyeball is rolling down in it's socket 'cos it's freaking out quietly, just like me. I'm glad I can't see the scalpelling of my eyelid. He basically stabbed it, then fucked around with a probe, which felt a lot like a dentist using a pick on your teeth, except I can feel it all like someone is poking through my sinuses to my brain. Doesn't hurt, but I'm whimpering with the wierd feeling of picking and poking and at one point, swirling around. Yes, I know, I just switched to present tense instead of past tense. So sue me. Or make my lactose-free cocoa.
Then he takes the clamp off, plays with the eyelid some more, puts the clamp on again and fucks around some more.
Finally he takes it off for the last time, puts cream on my eyelid margin and pads then tapes. I ask him to get Bastard to listen to the instructions for aftercare (as I've had a needle and I don't remember details consciously well) he tells me that there's not much, gives me some instructions, I repeat them back to him, dubiously 'cos I'm already forgetting what he said, then he calls Bastard in and repeats them. Good doctor pat him on the head.
Bastard had to go to training, so he dropped me off near home, and went. So here I am, eye slowly regaining feeling.
Feels good to be doing something.
I have a padding thingy taped over my numb left eye. It feels wierd 'cos the left eye keeps drifting just open and making my sight come over with a veil of dark closedness, which looks remarkably like the beginnings of the snowed-tv vision I get before I faint, but everything is still in colour, not black and white.
The specialist guy called me into the room, asked me a couple of questions (lit. "Why are you here, what's wrong?" and "What drugs are you taking?"), put drops in my eye, did the vision acuity test, asked me if the lack of visual acuity in my left eye was normal (to which I did not respond with "That's why I wear glasses, dude!" - it's more than my glasses are prescribed for, but I was sorely tempted), then looked at my eye and eyelid with the eye doctor face harness and magnifying thingy. "Yes, it's a chalazion, I'm going to have to incise it" says the doctor and motions me into the back room. He swabs my eyelid with betadine, puts more drops in my eye, and puts in the fricking' needle for the anaesthetic. I have mentioned before that needles hurt. All needles. On a scale of 1 (what they're supposed to feel like) through 5 (arm) to 10 (roof of mouth) this was about a prolonged and twitchy four.
My arm is aching where my last needle was, though.
I get to hold padding on my eye really hard, which is freaky since I can feel the spreading numbness underneath, but apparently I didn't hold it hard enough for it all to spread properly, so the doctor, having poked FUCKING HARD on my EYEBALL to check, swabs again with betadine and pushes as hard as I need to push with the padding to show me how much, and goes out to talk to the next patient. While he is out I text Bastard and tell him what is happening, since I was expecting this to be just an appointment to see if I needed to have needles and scalpels and stuff, not the actual sharp things, and he needed to be at training in about half an hour at this point.
Eventually the doctor comes back in and pokes again. Evidently it's all good this time, because then he gets out a little screwclamp and tells me he's going to put it on my eyelid. I'm glad I read up on this all, because otherwise I would have freaked out worse at this point, as well as having my normal needle adrenaline arghs. So he takes the little clamp thing, flicks it around my eyelid skin and tightens it. I'm sure I'm not supposed to feel it through the anaesthetic, but it doesn't hurt and it's very far away so I'm OK. Then he turns the eyelid up, and let me tell you, unlike when I turn my own eyelid up, I can't see since either my eyeball is squooshed down or my lower lid is coming up to compensate, or my eyeball is rolling down in it's socket 'cos it's freaking out quietly, just like me. I'm glad I can't see the scalpelling of my eyelid. He basically stabbed it, then fucked around with a probe, which felt a lot like a dentist using a pick on your teeth, except I can feel it all like someone is poking through my sinuses to my brain. Doesn't hurt, but I'm whimpering with the wierd feeling of picking and poking and at one point, swirling around. Yes, I know, I just switched to present tense instead of past tense. So sue me. Or make my lactose-free cocoa.
Then he takes the clamp off, plays with the eyelid some more, puts the clamp on again and fucks around some more.
Finally he takes it off for the last time, puts cream on my eyelid margin and pads then tapes. I ask him to get Bastard to listen to the instructions for aftercare (as I've had a needle and I don't remember details consciously well) he tells me that there's not much, gives me some instructions, I repeat them back to him, dubiously 'cos I'm already forgetting what he said, then he calls Bastard in and repeats them. Good doctor pat him on the head.
Bastard had to go to training, so he dropped me off near home, and went. So here I am, eye slowly regaining feeling.
Feels good to be doing something.
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IME, a lot of 'anaesthetics' block pain and fine touch perception, but not the blunter sort of touch perception (not quite sure what the proper terminology is). Certainly that was my experience when having my eyes probed and moulded For Science.
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Even if they regret the choice afterwards *grin*
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I hate having had to study anatomy. When you combine it with my ability to visualise what's going on ... <shudder>
Add me to the list of those that hate even the thought of needles in eyes.
Then again, I probably should go see my opthamologist again RSN (I've been putting it off and I shouldn't).
Hope things are better soon!
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don't read if you're squeamish. Just no.
He said to me, "If it starts to hurt, let me know" And he injected more anesthesia - which became increasingly tricky as the hole was getting smaller - but I'll never forget that disassociative feeling of knowing it was me he was working on, but not sensing it as me for the most part.
I certainly hope your eye comes out good from all of this :)
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Re: don't read if you're squeamish. Just no.
Visuals of syringes, though, I don't deal too well with those. Phobias are great things, even if they're controllable enough to be subjected to the object of said phobia yearly - I'm a lot better with said visuals after we started the yearly blood-taking, too.
The worst thing I've ever done to myself that left a visible scar was slicing my thumb with a meat knife. There was a cold roast, I was hungry, and not particularly coordinated... The scar runs from just outside of the midline of the thumb around to the nail, nearish the end. In total, it's about a centimetre long. That's my biggest scar. For some reason I do stupid things, and either don't get hurt, or don't get scars.
And the astigmatism is already a little better (not fixed, but improved), so I'm happy.
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And it's not just sight either: smell, pain, and sound is also available in full surround-sense (having dealt with enough serious trauma to remember the stimuli).
While extremely useful when working in medicine, such an ability to visualize can be quite uncomfortable at other times (especially at dinner parties where the doctors are trying to outdo the vets). As I repeatedly say, I used to work in an office in a hospital rather than in a hospital (I have far too much empathy to be a doctor).
And it's always a good idea to know as much about what is going on as possible. Always asks questions about possible side-effects and complications, and possible alternatives. There is nothing like training doctors in their larval stages to make you realise that they are only human – even registrars.*
*I always found medical directors (the heads of departments) easier to get on with than registrars. Registrars just think they are god; directors "know" that they are god. [this is a generalisation if certain of my friends get to read this lj and subsequently get me within their clutches ... Honest!] This is especially true in Oz where the length of labcoat indicates the doctor's rank within the hospital system. It makes you want to start humming Vader's theme when they walk down the corridor...
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Re: don't read if you're squeamish. Just no.
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Then again, at the moment I'm getting about 5 punctures a fortnight at the moment (it was 4 a week), so a needle phobia probably isn't the best thing to have. Instead my phobia is the spring-loaded autolancets - I'd much rather use a needle any day than one of those. One of the primary reasons I don't want to develop diabetes is that I'd have great problems monitoring my blood sugar using one.
Then again, one time when they were trying to get an arterial blood-gas (which is always difficult since arteries are buried deep, are rather elastic, and not firmly attached to connective tissue (unlike veins). Three hours of probing with a needle later, and having had everyone in the clinic (which specialised in this sort of procedure) make the attempt (except the janitor, and there was more than a little debate that they should give him a try too), they eventually gave up. I can imagine your response to this happening.
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I think it stems from when I blew out both my knees in gymnastics. I remember being in a room with something like 15 doctors all prodding them and talking all things medical. It gives you that interesting detatchment to being a 'body mechanic'...
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It was after my first donation that I learnt that even one beer afterwards is never a good idea...
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Re: don't read if you're squeamish. Just no.
I've many scars from various frivolities, one being an institched knife wound on my elbow. Awesome when you have to deal with someone on a bad acid trip in the kitchen with said knife.
I think I've seen enough of my own blood that it doesn't bother me, but with that said (and I know I shouldn't laugh, but...) there was a guy I worked with who didn't deal with blood to the point that he went to the bathroom to check on a blood nose. Saw it in the mirror, proceeded to pass out, and get a nice concussion from hitting his noggin on the back wall. C'mon, that's awesome irony!
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I guess at least it's over? Glad to read in the comments that you're already seeing results, too...
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I rather think that I would make them give me a local for the arterial blood gas, and get someone to read to me.
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Re: don't read if you're squeamish. Just no.
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Re: don't read if you're squeamish. Just no.
And yeah, that's gorgeous irony!
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